Thoughts on Aging

I have not had a problem facing any of the "big" birthdays in my life. None of them depressed me and I actually looked forward to being 30 and 40, etc. , like now maybe I would actually be a "grown-up". I guess being the baby of the family I was always trying to "catch up" with my big sisters who are 14 and 16 years older than me and have been adults in all of my memories of them.

But I have a confession to make. This September will be my 60th birthday and it makes me gasp to think about it. It sounds OLD! Like medicare and nursing home old. I have tried to make light of it. I don't feel old and just thinking about that number seems surreal...like didn't I just turn 30 (oh wait, no, I have three children older than that! oh my!) Then I decided I would do something that would make me look forward to it. I have really wanted to host a colonial style ball and I thought "Oh that would be the perfect time to do it!" I discarded that thought when Ryan was deployed to Afghanistan. Somehow I just couldn't celebrate at a ball when my baby was off fighting in a war. Sigh! Yes, I am looking forward to the celebration we do have planned...three days in Virginia Beach with the family.

But still would get that knot in my stomach when I would think of that dreaded number. Maybe it is all the changes that life is bringing. We are empty nesters now and although I do enjoy all the alone time with my love and the freedom it brings, I have to admit I miss feeding a family...and coming home to an empty house is not the high point of my day! I guess part of it is a fear of the future...will I be soon disrupting my children's lives as they have to care for me? Not a pleasant thought...it is humbling to be the cared for instead of the one doing the caring. Sigh! Yes, I realize that was pride once again raising its ugly head.

But last week my attitude took a change. I had been reading through the book of Ecclesiastes for a couple of weeks. It has never been my favorite book of the Bible. It is now. God spoke to me and showed me things in this book I had never seen in other seasons of my life. The last chapter is all about growing old but the verse that really jumped out at me was verse 7: "...and the dust returns to the earth as it was, and the spirit returns to God who gave it." I remember stopping at that verse and mulling over it and coming back to it several times. The deterioration of this body should remind me daily of the vanity of this life and how it is fading away and bringing me closer to the day when I will stand before my Creator clothed in the righteousness of His Son, Jesus, in my glorified, never aging body where I will spend eternity in sinless praise of Him and doing the work He has for me...forever!

The chapter ends with, "The end of the matter; all has been heard. Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil." And once again, as I face another adventure with God, He has reminded me as He has over and over through the adventures of the past 59 1/2 years...my job is to seek Him and obey Him, He is in charge of the results, certainly not me! To God be the glory forever and ever!