Okay, on this anniversary of one year since my last post I felt I had more to say than could be posted on a Facebook status. My heart is full this morning as my baby boy is on a plane flying into Afghanistan, into the thick of a battle. He is excited and has been excited since joining the army almost three years ago for this day. I have been less so! As a little boy he loved playing army more than any other activity, even having army themed birthday parties to which all his friends had to come dressed in their army fatigues and have "battles" in the woods where we lived. When he first talked of joining the army we feared that this was just his little boy fantasy being lived out. At one point I said to him, "Ryan, you won't be playing with play guns anymore, or paintball...they will be shooting real bullets at you!"
However, I was happy to see Ryan's prayer life mature as he struggled with this issue. He decided to wait on the Lord instead of rushing to the recruiters and at one point, said to me, "Mom, I am trying to figure out what the Lord wants me to do, but I am just a kid and I don't know how to figure out what the Lord is saying." He finally decided to join the Maryland National Guard because he just couldn't shake the desire and decided it must be of the Lord. When he finally decided he couldn't wait anymore to be in the thick of things he volunteered to join another unit being deployed to Afghanistan. While not wildly excited about this turn of events, I have had an incredible peace that only could come from God.
Then, one day on the phone while in training for his tour of duty, Ryan shared his heart with me. He said that he knew that he was going into the world and could get involved in sin. He could ruin his reputation and it wouldn't really matter because he would never see these guys again. But then he realized that he didn't want to ruin God's reputation and so he made it known as soon as he arrived with his new unit that he was a Christian because he knew in this way he would be held accountable as they watched his life. He has had many opportunities already to witness to his buds (and earned the nickname of Preacher) as they saw that his life and family and relationship with his girlfriend were different from theirs. I still wasn't excited...but encouraged.
This morning at 3:00 am (excuse me, that's 0300 hours) Ryan boarded a plan and headed into Afghanistan. He will be in the thick of heavy battle, driving some kind of vehicle. While I have not been worried or upset but peaceful, held by all the prayers of the saints, this morning as I read God's Word, I became more than peaceful. I became excited. My routine is to read a Psalm each morning and then go to prayer before reading my Bible portion for the day. In God's amazing way, this was the Psalm for today. Psalm 61: "Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy....So will I ever sing praises to your name, as I perform my vows day after day." I started getting excited and my prayer was that God would do miraculous things as Ryan is in the heat of battle so that all would see what an awesome God he serves. Then in my portion of the Bible reading that morning I read in Matthew 5, "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." I am struggling how to put this into words what I am feeling so it is not misunderstood. God gives us children not to make us feel good or give us "toys" to play with. They are our arrows to shoot out into a needy world, a light to carry the gospel. So I guess I am looking at Ryan as being the light God is using of mine and I am putting him on a stand (the mountains of Afghanistan) to shine God's light to all who can see it. So suddenly instead of just feeling peaceful and resigned to God's will, I am excited to see what glorious things God is going to reveal and do.
I know this won't last and I will have times of testing and concern and I so covet the prayers of the saints during the time but I know God is building my faith and the faith of my family, especially Ryan, this year and I trust Him to be God and show Himself strong for His honor and His glory!
